Woman of fire
I became a mother at the age of 20. I didn’t know the true measure of love until I gave birth to my oldest son Jacob. Life and everything about it was now centered on him and his well-being. I worked 3 jobs and devoted myself to make sure he had all he needed. I was a proud mother!
A year before, I was a sophomore in college anxiously excited about the years to come. I was arrogant and proud and on the road to success. I worked hard and was focused. I was on the honor roll and Dean’s List. There was nothing in my life that was going to take me away from my determined destiny. I had a plan! I was going to earn my J.D and become a defense attorney. I would get married, never have children, and move to Atlanta where my husband and I would live happily ever after. I would cleave to his family and neglect my family. After all, my family didn’t support my dreams and goals! They were never supportive. They were never there.
My heart was bitter. I felt alone. I needed love and I desperately wanted to be loved. I felt like no one cared about me. I was living in this large world all alone. I never too often was told that I was doing a good job. Instead, I was always condemned or punished when I made mistakes. I was depressed. I didn’t have many friends at school and I never fit in. I would go above and beyond to be liked or to fit in, but nothing seemed to work. I was often molested and these feelings, though wrong, seemed accepting. I turned fifteen and saw myself in a new light. I began to admire my outward appearance and would use it to demand what I wanted. I noticed females around me who were young parents or maybe didn’t look as pretty as I did and I would pride myself on that. I have always been a hard worker and had good grades; I would boast about that. I tried to build my confidence on the flaws of others. I even stepped on and diminished the characters of others just to make myself feel great. I was one proud person. I was one selfish person. I was mean. I was arrogant. I was feared.
I never went to law school. I have yet to be married. Everything I attained under evil precepts; I lost. My self-esteem diminished. I was embarrassed. I was once again depressed. I was once again lonely. I was ashamed. I felt defeated. I went from one failed relationship to the next. I was hurting and I was hurting people.
One day, I had an encounter with Christ. He told me He wanted me to join Him. I promised I would, but only if He would allow my little sister to come. He agreed. Her growth and spiritual progression was testament that all Christ had to offer was worth it! I took a few steps forward and became stagnant. Eventually, I gave birth to my second child, Serenity. Life seemed too hard to bear. I was still lonely and more depressed. I tried Jesus again, but learning that all of my ways were the opposite of His expectations was too much for me to accept. I became stagnant once more. I soon moved away from family and friends to the Midwest. All I had was Jesus. He showed me love, grace, mercy, and gave me unspeakable peace. He taught me to endure; He took away my hurt and pain. I no longer suffered from anxiety and depression. My self-esteem increased. I learned how to love His way. I understood what it meant to be alone, but not feel lonely. The closer I drew to Him, the more strength I obtained. I came to the point where all I wanted was Him. Everything I lost, He gave back to me, but it was 100 times better. Though the journey hasn’t been easy, it’s been worth it! If He did it for me, I can only imagine what He has in store for you!
"Be still and know, that I am God"
Inspiring women to fulfill their true purpose as believer and woman of God by igniting and reigniting fire that they never knew and forgot existed through the moving of the Holy Spirit.